Dear friends,
The snow is falling outside and I hear a cardinal. I’m thinking of filling my bird feeders. I have not left the house yet today. How different the world looks to me at this moment.
There is so much fear flying through the air right now that it is palpable. I can feel it in my body. Fear takes the form of anxiety, irritability, physical tension and pain, just to name a few.
How does the cardinal, sitting on the empty bird feeder feel about this, I wonder.
How can we find calming refuge in the midst of the Corona-virus? These are indeed very intense times.
These are new experiences and undoubtedly new internal thoughts and feelings. What once was mundane a few weeks ago turned into tense moments. And now doing only the absolute necessity, given our state laws, we are confined to a smaller personal world inside our homes.
We are adjusting but our nervous systems appear to be hijacked. There is tension in our chest. It is our brain’s job, after all, to signal danger to our body.
We are staying in our homes in tighter quarters than we had planned for psychologically, spiritually, or even practically.
There is a new odd pause, unspoken words that pass between us as we make eye contact at a stoplight to the car next to us. Or stand in line at the grocery store. People are worried, confused, and even panicked. Our pillars of solidness in the eyes of another may reflect fear we have not known before.
We might be worried about getting sick, people we love getting sick, childcare, missing work, our business, financial situation, and the unknown.
Oh, the unknown.
These may be new experiences for you and me but these times are not new to the world.
There is much we can do. If you are reading this, I trust that you want to feel better for a moment. And you might. Or you might not.
Stay here with me a little longer.
We can’t change that something IS happening. We can’t change that our bodies get sick. But we can shake out our tiresome, anxiety-ridden thoughts and put our energy to good use.
We can take care of our bodies, bringing them along for the journey honoring our own need for personal shelter (exercise, fresh air, pleasure) as the world keeps going - and go it will regardless.
We can notice what brings on more anxiety and what brings us closer to the inner calmness and clarity we seek. Do what truly brings you less suffering. This is not the time to reach for false comfort in food, alcohol, or other harmful, unloving behaviors - it’s the time to slow down the entire movie that you get to participate in. You are not alone.
And may I gently say if you are only taking in anxiety-producing thoughts, your overall well-being will suffer as will those around you. It’s okay to feel anxious. But it won’t help if it is not tended to lovingly.
We can, maybe for the first time in a long, long time, put down our phones and turn off the television limiting information coming in.
My mother just picked up a paintbrush for the first time in years.
We can go outside and take a walk, do restorative yoga (see link below), cook healthy meals, and care for our homes by using anxious energy to clean out drawers, closets, or listen to music. To turn inward some.
We can get very clear about what we need for our basic needs and how to respond to those needs without the scarcity mindset that generates ripples of panic. Our country is coming together and kindness is returning.
We can choose to avoid absolutes and stay nonjudgmental of others. If your 90-year-old mother wants to go to her neighbors and says, “I’ve lived a good life! I refuse to live in fear,” you will undoubtedly have the option to manage YOUR feelings about her choices, share your deepest concerns and love her all the more or you could engage in conflict. And maybe all the above. You can also call on your sister for reinforcement.
And what of family conflict, tension, living in close quarters? Marital or family issues unresolved and taking shape as we make our way into more time together than ever? Breathe. It might be an opportunity. You can do this. Resist giving in to stress to excuse out of control and unhealthy behaviors that are harmful to those you love. Take care of yourself.
If loved ones are filled with fear and it is too much for you to hold, you could simply say, “I hear you. I’m listening. I’m here for you. I am also aware that your anxiety is impacting me. Can we talk about something else?”
And what about our beautiful children and grandchildren who are in the room? Children, teenagers, and our college-aged children home unexpectedly might be even more sensitive to the energy we create as they look to us to tell them how to feel about issues much too big for comprehension. You may be worried about your job while they are in angst about missing their friends, prom, and graduation. Let there be no room for comparative stress in any conversation. And even if they are unable to articulate their anxiety or appear unimpaired, trust me, they are impacted. Your willingness to manage your own emotions will benefit them and anyone with whom you interact with.
We can be mindful as caregivers to these young people and take notice of the news blaring around them. What we need or want may not be what they need or want. We can simply say: “You haven’t said anything about what’s going on here. I wonder if you have any thoughts you would like to share.” And, “This is important. I want to help. Let’s take a walk or sit over here to talk a bit.” Or, “Come sit with me.”
We can allow this moment to open a window into our minds to what desperation feels like and think of others who have fled their homes in hopes of safety. Or whom we have judged for taking desperate measures to ensure basic human needs of survival. Globally recognized Franciscan priest, Richard Rhor offers, “Depth is being forced on us by great suffering, which as I like to say, always leads to great love.”
We can ask ourselves, who would we be, if we are in the population least at risk, without the fear and anxiety? How would we respond?
We can remember that there are people experiencing normal life events: from births, birthdays, to non-related health crises and make space in our openness for life unfolding. I once had a client whose mother was diagnosed with brain cancer just days before 911 and he told me that, at that time he could not even think of the state of the world while he was running around trying to find the best care for his mother. And yet the overwhelming focus on 911 overshadowed his need for support around his own devastation and fear regarding his mother’s pending death.
We can reach out to professionals and leaders on the front lines working tirelessly to manage this crisis (healthcare providers, administration in public and private organizations such as universities, school districts, to name a few who are facing decisions that are agonizing. Let them know we are here.
As catastrophic thoughts find their way in through the cracks triggered by another conversation, remember to breathe deeply, finding your inner refuge and let go again...be strong, courageous, determined, and hopeful.
Take gentle care of yourself and others.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLui6Eyny-UzxghGvVE7V_6YsZ7rh5r1Fx
With love,
Tracy